In these murderous comedies, a Neanderthal detective uses his knowledge of truffles, the violent history of the Ku Klux Klan, poisonous mushrooms, owl poop and his own dysfunctional family to unravel mysteries that everyone thinks have already been solved.    

His assistant Gloria Blout, who narrates these short stories, explains: “Everyone has stories about crazy bosses, but no one has ever topped mine. Before my boss opened his own detective agency, everyone in my hometown knew Goran Frankrike had written a series of books featuring a 1.3-billion-year-old Neanderthal fighting the super-humans who were bent on destroying the universe. Everyone knew his publisher sold the books as science fiction and everyone knew that Goran insisted he was just a journalist. All his books were completely factual. They were simply his descriptions on the front lines of mass-extinction events."

“In my hometown, everyone also knew the Neanderthal Detective had been diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder called Hypertrichosis that made him grow hair all over his face and body, the same syndrome that had afflicted PT Barnham’s Bearded Lady.

In our graduation pictures, he was the big hairy six foot five, 300-pound monster who looked like he’d just walked off the set of one of those big foot documentaries. I was the little skinny 90-pound girl with big, pointed ears, buck teeth, bugged out eyes, greasy black hair and a sad, slightly sinister smile. I looked like a female Peter Lorre imitator—Petra Lorre with big s**t kicking steel toed work boots.”

“I didn’t know Goren very well in high school. but I liked the fact that he embraced all his misfortunes. He took all the insults and jokes and turned them into a life. He played the big ugly hairy Neanderthal so well people began to think he really was some long extinct cave man, not some bad luck kid with funky genes. He was like one of those Star Trek actors who would always be a character on an ancient TV show; nothing they ever did or would do could change that.”

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Forthcoming Winter of 2024.